True story. I hit almost that exact line in the fluffy intro to the documentation for a mobile development application, and it utterly destroyed my productivity for several minutes.
I sat there and built a whole story in my mind – this atrocity had to be a compromise of some sort. The tech writer had probably put in “literally,” somebody in a document review had probably mentioned that mobile devices could not be said to be “literally” everywhere because the review attendees weren’t currently swimming through an endless sea of Android devices, and someone had proposed the completely inane “almost literally,” which had for some ungodly reason been accepted, or more likely forced into the document by someone with a bigger office who liked the sound of the term and/or wanted to prevent me from getting any work done for a while.
Ever since, this has stuck in my brain like Lewis Black’s horse. And now I’m sharing it with you.
On a side note, this is NOT the worst attempt I’ve ever seen to excuse the misuse of “literally.” I saw a post somewhere once that misused the term as a meaningless bonus adverb and offered the unapologetic explanation “Don’t take ‘literally’ literally! LOL!!!” I sneer even now thinking about it.