So, of course, I wrote this one in a restaurant. I did it as a clipless script, sprung almost fully-formed after a server at another table said the “is Pepsi okay?” line. I did tweak it a lot.
When I passed the script and description to Jami, I said:
The scene is a restaurant. A married couple in their early 50s is at a table and a waitress is taking their order. The waitress looks slightly perplexed and taken aback, looking at the husband. The wife is looking at the waitress, and seems a bit weary. The husband is the key comic figure. He is in a dinner jacket, no tie, hair just slightly out of place…and a crazed and distant look in his eyes…pleading, desperate, maybe a little bloodshot. He’s looking at the waitress, but kind of looking through her.
Now, I love this art and it fit the script and description of what I wanted beautifully. But Jami made a surprising (to me) choice of having this be an interracial couple. That’s great, because it’s something you NEVER see in a clip art collection.
But it does draw some focus away from the crux of the joke, I worry. In the end it has no bearing on the gag that this man is African-American. It’s beside the point, which is good for its own reasons, I suppose. But is the reader left wondering at the end if there is a tie-in? If you were, there isn’t.
But just to make sure there was no such connection implied, I made one change to the script. ”Satan’s unholy veins” was originally scripted “Satan’s black veins.”